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At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in.A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!”The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!”The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE ... how much water did you drink?”This one is compliments fo s800482Three pals go bear hunting. On arrival at the cabin it is discovered that Jack forgot his rifle.The other two guys give him a rasher of shit and ask how he figured to get his bear. Jack embarrassed for his error said he had a system and. “Phil, I can’t believe it’s the same car, it’s absolutely beautiful.”“Totally restored. You thought I had dumped them when we changed over to company lease cars all those years ago, didn’t you?”“I did, or at least I assumed that’s what had happened to them.”Lady Barbara sat in the driving seat of the car, it smelt comfortingly of new leather.“You’ve recovered the seats, the smell of the leather in here is, well it’s as if the car’s brand spanking new!”“The driver’s seat is actually new, the old one was completely worn out, remember the car was five or six years old when we bought it second hand. It had already had a long hard life and high mileage before you had it.”“That was why it was so cheap in the first place, and the best we could afford, before the company really took off. You’d just got paid for designing that big roundabout on the ... where was it? A30?”“That’s the one. We nearly went bust a couple of months before that and I had to sell our only shared car. Remember we had.
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